4 Months Later

Although I haven't written a thing in over 4 months, my world has not stopped turning.  I wish that there were enough space to actually write how I feel and what's on my mind, I suppose that I should begin where I left off...

During the month of November (the entire Fall season really!), I spent a great deal traveling for work.  I demonstrated a prototype of a GIS program that I had been working on over the past year at several partner conferences, I attended legal consultation meetings for states considering their legal authority in the event of a pandemic, and I went to a conference on public deliberation where I met people from all over the world.  Needless to say, it was a busy month.

Even though I was on the road for the entire month, I had 2 highlights: I went to Jamaica during the Thanksgiving Break to volunteer at Mustard Seed Communities, and I scheduled to have my batwings removed in Tijuana, Mexico at the Huacuz Surgical Center.  I know, 2 life changing events within the last part of the year...how could I contain myself!?

During this part of the year, I also went through some emotional changes.  With the holidays, I always get a little down.  This is in part because of being so far away from my family and the discomfort of being single during the holidays.  I managed to get home right before Christmas to celebrate my grandmother's 70th birthday.  We pulled off a nice sized party with old and new friends, family members, and special guests.  The most difficult part was that we had to host it in the nursing home where my grandmother lives and we have no idea if she actually comprehended what was going on.  On the flip side, we're blessed that she still is alive.  A year ago, her life could have ceased to exist.  It is very sad and very emotional to see her in a confused state due to her stroke, but her "blips of consciousness" keeps us optimistic.

As the year has ended and a new one has begun, to me it's been a big blur.  I haven't felt a sense of completion or accomplishment for getting through 2007.  Perhaps it's because I simply spent most of my time coping and "getting through".  I mentioned earlier last year that I decided to go back to therapy and I also tried my brain at some anti-depressants.  For a while, things seemed to get progressively, but slightly better.  I worried less and my disposition was good.  My therapist actually gave me homework!  I felt like I had found something that worked for me.  Yes, I still go to therapy...it's really not as helpful as it used to be anymore - I'm going to give her an ultimatim next week...it gets better or we're divorced!!  As far as the medication, I had to change to something else.  The one I liked gave me ticks.  Ticks are NOT good in any way.  Naw...I wasn't falling all over the floor, but it was weird watching television and my mouth twists up on its own.  It wasn't that obvious...but I noticed and it bothered me a great deal.  The new medication makes me feel down and more depressed.  NO worries...I'm not going "there", but I've spent a lot of time sleeping, procrastinating, and hiding.

So yes, I've been keeping a low profile, but at the same time, I'm doing things to change that.  I'm starting to get bored with my routine life.  I mean...I was bored a long time ago - I just was content with the boredom.  I started leading a bible study within my Archdiocese and it's helped me to learn my bible better, get to know some new people, and to really put my spiritual life into perspective.  Surprisingly, I've been attending church regularly AND sticking to my moral beliefs!  Yes, that means that I've been celibate for quite some time (sometimes I think too long...but that's neither here nor there!).  I've also stepped out to meet new people at work, go new places, and find ways to heal old wounds.  Those scars from previous relationships (romantic or not) have stopped me from doing things that I thoroughly enjoy in life.  I had to go through my phone book and delete some numbers, delete some emails, refuse calls, and sometimes become invisible.  It hurts, but I hear that pain is temporary and pride is forever.

School is going well.  I'm starting to feel a little burned out.  I have 3 more classes after the current quarter (which ends in 2 weeks - Thank GOD!).  After that, I'll be purely research.  I haven't done a great job trying to finish my first research module.  It's extremely hard when you have class with a lot of reading and writing.  The last thing that I want to do is MORE reading and writing when I have a spare 5 minutes.  So yes, my research has suffered over the last 2 quarters.  I don't feel bad, given that I'll have nothing but research from this next summer through the termination of my studies (hopfully in 2009).

Over these next couple of weeks, I'll do my best to "catch up".  I know there's curiosity about my trip to Jamaica as well as my experience in Mexico having plastic surgery.  I'm feeling the need to write, as there is a lot going on that I need to get off my chest!

 Until then...

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