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Last Night I Cried
Yesterday was a hellafied day for me. iTunes was acting a nut, no wireless internet at home, and some things were said to me that I could never imagine. After work...I wanted a shot of Patron (or 4) to simply take it all away. My anxiety was so high, I was shaky and it's been a very long time since I've experienced that.
When I got home, I looked at a menu for one of the local restaurants (knowing I shouldn't have been) and called to order a cheeseburger. Whaddayaknow...NO delivery during the week! Since I was already in my pajamas (yes, at 530pm), I just turned on my iPod and listened. I listened to the music that was played at my grandmother's funeral. What a choice! After the first note, I cried like a baby with a diaper rash and old pee on their butt. It had to do with several things...
1. Whenever I was stressed, I called Mom-Mom...the voice of reason. Instead of her...I called my mother, who actually said something reasonable!
2. The music was so moving and inspiring...songs that I'd hear Mom sing many times and words that were true and tied it all together...I mean...Great is thy faithfulness...that song simply says it all. When things are crazy, I'm disobedient, whatever is going on; God is STILL faithful and fulfills his promise to me.
3. I was hurt. I had a lot of built up stress and I simply couldn't bear it anymore. What else does a woman do to relieve stress...that's right, we cry! I cried and prayed, cried and prayed, cried and prayed. Eventhough I couldn't half understand myself, I know that God heard me.
Although I got what I needed at that moment, I'm still not done. My eyes feel heavy as if there's a lake behind them, ready to overflow. Right now, I'm simply overwhelmed and I don't know what else to do. Yes, I'm strong...but sometimes crying simply helps the toxins exit our bodies so that we can start anew. Hell, I don't need to justify why I cry. I just want to until all of the aches, pain, and stress disappear. You know that crying that makes your nose snotty and face all swollen...that kinda crying. I wanna scream and holler and make my neighbors think I've gone nuts (the walls are thin).
Maybe I'll do that after work.